Chapter Text
It's Saturday night, and Dan is getting ready for his date with Jaekyung. He is in the closet room, looking for what to wear. He goes from rack to rack and looks at his clothes in detail.
Since moving in with Jaekyung, he has acquired new clothes. The athlete has made sure to buy him clothes, and although Dan was reluctant to accept them at first, he accepted them because they are gifts Jaekyung gives him, which is one of his ways of showing that he loves him. And Dan is fine with that; it's not like he can't buy himself new clothes; he does, but in a way, he likes it when it's Jaekyung who does it for him. The athlete has great fashion sense, and everything he gives Dan is always from designer brands. That's why Dan now has a large repertoire of clothes; however, he still keeps his beloved gray sweater.
Dan picks up a white long-sleeved shirt, looks in the mirror, places it in front of him, and decides that it fits him well. Dan, despite all the fancy things he has now, is still a simple person, and it shows in the way he dresses. But tonight he's going on a date with Jaekyung; he wants to look as elegant as possible. He takes a quick shower and then gets dressed. The long sleeve shirt fits his body, showing off his slim figure through the fabric in conjunction with the black dress pants that fit his upturned butt nicely. Despite the years, Dan still maintains his good figure and slim waist. In the past, he used to not appreciate his body, since, from what he experienced, he was repulsed by it. But now he can look in the mirror and smile; he can look at his body and love it.
He is adjusting the buttons on his wrist when Jaekyung enters the room. The athlete looks as handsome as ever; his hair is neatly combed, and his manly cologne scent makes Dan blush a little. Even though he is not seeing him, Dan knows Jaekyung is walking towards him; he smiles when he feels the strong arms around his waist. Through the mirror, he looks at Jaekyung. Jaekyung looks at him as if hungry to devour him.
“You look beautiful,” Jaekyung murmurs against his neck and then distributes warm kisses on his neck. In one swift movement, he turns him around, making Dan face him. The physiotherapist hugs Jaekyung and closes his eyes by sticking his nose on Jaekyung's neck to better feel his perfume.
Jaekyung takes advantage of his closeness to leave soft kisses on his temple, and against his skin, he speaks again. “I don't want to go out anymore; everyone will see you, and I will be jealous that they see your beauty.”
Dan laughs and gently pulls away, but he doesn't completely pull away from Jaekyung; instead, he brings his arms up to the athlete's neck and hugs him. “Wouldn't you like to go out so you can show me off to everyone? Show people that I'm all yours"
His words make Jaekyung smile flirtatiously and almost full of mischief. And they both have to do something about those sensations, and soon they are kissing to satiate themselves with the desire coursing through their bodies. They give careful kisses because they don't want to wrinkle their clothes, but they are full of excitement to the point that when they break the kiss, they are panting. A trickle of saliva holds them together until it breaks, vanishing like water between their fingers. Dan swallows saliva and wipes Jaekyung's lips with his thumb.
“The babysitter is here,” says the athlete, gasping as he catches his breath.
Dan looks at him incredulously. “Didn't it occur to you that that was the first thing you should have told me?”
“It's your fault; your beauty distracts me,” Jaekyung mumbles before leaving little kisses on Dan's neck.
The physical therapist giggles a little at the tickling, and before Jaekyung goes any further, he pushes Jaekyung away. They can't be acting like horny teenagers while the babysitter waits for them. Dan gets dressed quickly so as not to keep the babysitter waiting. Before leaving the room, he grabs his coat, and with Jaekyung, they go downstairs.
Maya is sitting on the couch with Kenji next to her, chattering and showing him one of the new toys Jaekyung bought him. The little boy already has his pajamas on, ready to go to bed at any moment. Dan approaches Maya and greets her; she and Kenji walk them to the door so they can say goodbye.
“Why can't I go?” asks Kenji as he watches sadly as Dan puts on his coat. Dan looks at him tenderly and then crouches down to be at the boy's level.
The three of them have gotten used to going out together since they've been living together, which is why Kenji can't understand why he has to stay home this time. He wants to go with the adults, as he always does. And Dan understands that, so he gives him a nice smile.
“Because it's late, and soon you have to go to sleep,” and before Kenji could protest or pout anymore, Dan leaves a kiss on his forehead and gets up.
Kenji is still pouting when both adults say goodbye to him, but it only took Jaekyung telling him that he is going to bring him a candy for the boy to change his expression and smile, now saying goodbye to both of them with great excitement.
“You're spoiling him too much,” Dan says, but he knows that scolding will have no effect on Jaekyung. The athlete loves to spoil the little guy; he's not going to stop now.
It is already quite dark, and the lights of the city are showing through the window of the vehicle. Dan is looking out the window, eager to see where his partner is taking him. Jaekyung never leaves his waist while guiding him inside the restaurant, always keeping him close as a waiter leads them to their table. Dan looks all over the place, captivated by the beauty and elegance. Jaekyung unfolds his chair for him to sit in, Dan lets out a smile, and a soft blush adorns his cheeks. The slightest detail makes him feel like he's on cloud nine.
They order their food and then wait for it, accompanied by good wine and the soft melody that is heard in the place. Over the table, they caress each other's hands while talking in a low and soft voice. Living with a child makes it complicated for them to have those moments of privacy, like a simple, quiet dinner. Don't get it wrong, Dan loves his son and won't change it; he wouldn't change the McDonald's outings or the pizza-only nights. But every once in a while, he appreciates having these moments alone with his boyfriend, where he doesn't have to have his eyes on his son to make sure he doesn't soil his shirt. However, that doesn't stop him from worrying about him when he's not home.
Dan is looking at his phone and then puts it down on the table, raises his gaze to Jaekyung, and smiles at him.
“You know, someday he's going to go to college,” he comments, because he knows exactly that Dan is writing to Maya to find out how his son is doing.
“That's still a long way off,” he says, mumbling and avoiding Jaekyung's gaze so him doesn't see his blush.
“Well, when that day passes, we'll adopt a puppy so you won't be lonely.”
“A puppy?”
“Yes, or a kitten. Personally, I don't like animals, but if it makes you feel better, then fine. And I'll let you dress it up in hideous clothes like our neighbor does with his puppies,” he says calmly while sipping some wine.
Dan can't help but let out a small smile. It's just a conversation about something unlikely, but Dan feels delighted to know that Jaekyung plans to be with him even when Kenji leaves for college. A future where the two of them are still together is planned. And he wants to ask if it's just for the sake of talking or if he really wants that. But he prefers not to say anything and keeps silent when the food arrives and is served in front of them.
“I didn't know you could have such a romantic side like this,” he says, directing the conversation elsewhere as he minces the meat on his plate.
“And this is just the beginning of how romantic I can be.” Without taking his eyes off Dan, he takes the back of his hand and leaves a warm kiss.
“You're lovely.” Dan showers his boyfriend with compliments and gives him soft smiles.
In the magical harmony of the night, both eat and talk. The air is impregnated with an enchanting atmosphere of romance, while both delight in the most exquisite gastronomy that delights their palates. The soft beat of background music embraces every complicit glance and every whispered word that slips through their mouths.
Tonight, even though it was just a simple dinner, has been one of the best dates Dan has ever had. He feels in love, like in a movie, while walking hand in hand with his boyfriend through the streets of Seoul. It has been an unforgettable evening, and Dan doesn't want it to end. He wants to be surrounded by this feeling of love.
Under the seductive glow of the moon that shines accompanying them in their evening, Dan and Jaekyung stroll along the bridge over the Han River, with the city as their scenery, a landscape painted with buildings and lights, with a dark blue sky covering the night. It's cold; winter is soon to approach. Dan huddles close to Jaekyung because, even though he has his coat, he wants the warmth of his boyfriend.
They walk in silence, giving each other soft caresses with their intertwined hands. There are several people who like them stroll along the bridge, all with different stories and lives, but who coincided to be here on this night in Seoul to admire the beautiful city that welcomes them day and night.
“Thank you for this beautiful evening,” Dan says, breaking the silence. Some smoke comes out of his mouth; winter seems to be closer than he thought. But he doesn't mind; he looks at Jaekyung and smiles at him. It's already usual for him to thank him for everything; it's impossible for Jaekyung to make him stop.
“You deserve it,” is all the athlete says before he pulls their intertwined hands apart to put his arm around Dan, wraps his arm around him, and squeezes his shoulder to keep him close and let him feel his warmth.
“I want to be the one to plan the date next time.”
“Yes?”
“Yes, I want to take you to a nice place too.”
Jaekyung's chest gets a little warmer at Dan's words; that feeling of love that only Dan can achieve in him hits him with force that reaches his cheeks. But Jaekyung is still proud to admit that he's blushing, so he blames the cold for it. He leaves a kiss on Dan's temple, and with that, he tells him everything he feels.
They stop to rest from the walk and lean on the railing of the bridge; it is low enough for their arms to rest on, and they can look at the city. The sea is below them, and the mountains and buildings can be seen in the distance. A streetlamp gives them light, helping the moon to accompany them on their night.
“You know, I've lived my whole life in this city, but I've never taken the time to appreciate how beautiful it is,” Dan mutters under his breath, not wanting to ruin the quiet moment. He keeps his gaze straight ahead and contemplates the city.
“Yes, when I first came to this city, I liked to come here and watch the night.”
The comments that Jaekyung made so subtly and calmly caught Dan's attention, who quickly looked away from the scenery to observe Jaekyung. The athlete smiled slightly while looking at the sky. He knows he just revealed a secret, and Dan has heard it perfectly. He is waiting for his questions.
“Aren't you from Seoul?”
Jaekyung laughs softly and shakes his head. “No, I got here a couple of years ago.”
Dan is now looking at Jaekyung as if he has revealed to him the biggest secret of mankind, his eyes expressing how surprised he is to know something so personal about his boyfriend. And, of course, Dan wants to know more about it. Quickly, he takes Jaekyung by the hand and leads him to a bench, where he sits him down. Jaekyung knows what his boyfriend wants now and can only smile at this.
“Seriously, you want me to tell you about my life now?”
“Yes.”
“But it's cold.”
“I can hold on.” Dan shrugs, not caring that inside he's freezing. He settles better in his seat and lets out a pout when he sees that Jaekyung has no intentions of talking. “Come on, we've been together for a couple of months, and I still don't know anything about you. You know everything about me; I deserve to know something about you now,” and then he lets out his puppy dog eyes, that he learned so much from his son. He knows this is kind of manipulative, but Jaekyung made that comment like it was nothing, and now he's curious—a curiosity that needs to be satisfied.
Jaekyung takes his time, but he knows he has to speak because he already has his boyfriend's curiosity about him. Dan holds his hand and squeezes it as a plea for him to speak. Jaekyung has no choice but to do so. He lets out a sigh and settles into the cold seat, sticks his back against the wood, and stares at the sky, organizing his words so he can relate his life, the one he has wanted to forget so much.
“I was born and raised in a small town near Seoul; my parents are wealthy people, so I was always a privileged kid; I never lacked money. My parents' house is big, a beautiful mansion on the outskirts of the village, in the mountains." Jaekyung stops and contemplates, for a second, the sea, and the sky. He can feel Dan's gaze on him, and he knows he is waiting for him to continue. “My parents were too strict. I am an only child, so they wanted the best of me; they wanted me to be their perfect child. Especially my mother, she wanted me to be her exact copy, her male version. But I could never be; I was far from being like her”
Jaekyung laughs and brings a hand to the back of his neck to loosen the discomfort he is starting to feel. He doesn't like to talk about his mother.
“My family is quite religious; they dedicated their whole life to the Catholic faith, and the church is like their second home. Since I was little, my parents instilled everything about religion in me; they took me to church every Sunday and forced me to participate in church activities."
“But I hated it,” Jaekyung lets out a sigh. “I spent so much time in that place that I realized how horrible the people there are. Being religious, my parents, especially my mother, are quite conservative; they hated anything that had to do with debauchery, hom*osexual relations, or anything outside of God's laws. They called it sin, especially people like you.”
Jaekyung looks sideways at him and gives him an apologetic look. Dan knows what he is referring to and averts his gaze, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious.
“She considered it a mistake of nature that men can also have babies, since in the beginning only a man and a woman were created to do so. That a man could get pregnant is an unforgivable act for my mother; she says that people like that are works of the devil, since God only created Adam and Eve. Her way of thinking was disgusting to me."
That's true; Dan knows that. The population of men who can gestate is still small, and although they are accepted by society, they tend to be mostly marginalized by the community. For some people, this topic of men having babies, even though it has been around since the beginning of mankind, is a taboo subject, especially for religious people. That's why Dan is not surprised and doesn't mind hearing those words, having had to live with it all his life. And that's what he lets Jaekyung know when he looks at him again and gives him a small smile. “I'm fine,” he expresses in his eyes, and he encourages him to continue talking.
“Of course, I was never a saint; I was always a problem child with my sh*tty personality. And my mother hated that; we were always arguing about how different we were. I didn't understand why she had that way of thinking; God doesn't give a sh*t about what we do with our lives; she would get mad at me every time I made those kinds of comments to her." Jaekyung laughs dryly, remembering the past with amusem*nt. “I soon began to hate everything about religion, stopped attending church and activities, ran away from home, and went to smoke marijuana with my friends. I was a disastrous 17-year-old kid living his adolescence to the fullest."
"One day, my mother found me giving a boy a blow j*b behind the church. She freak out with anger. She was disappointed in me, but I couldn't care less." Jaekyung is silent again and gets lost in his thoughts. He feels Dan's gaze and a few caresses on the back of his hand. He knows he is giving him comfort, and he doesn't want that. He doesn't want him to feel pity because he doesn't feel anything when talking about his family.
“She couldn't believe what she had seen and spent some time denying it, saying that it had just been a confusion of mine, that the devil had visited me, forcing me to sin.” Jaekyung lets out a snort, and tension settles on his shoulders. He feels some anger every time he remembers the way his mother spoke: “I told her that it was all nonsense, that nothing is real, neither the Devil nor God. I told her it was just me being what I was; I confessed to her that I was gay and that I didn't regret that. I wasn't going to apologize for that.”
“I had never seen her as angry as she was that day; in her eyes, you could see the hatred she had built up for me. But she was still my mother, and she wanted to 'try' to save me. She said she was going to take me to a Catholic boarding school for men, so I could purify my soul and leave my impure thoughts, so I could reconnect with God. And I, who couldn't keep my mouth shut, told her, “Mom, I'm gay; do you know what's going to happen if you leave me in a place full of men?” The next thing I heard was the sound of a slap hitting my cheek.”
Jaekyung smiles slightly at the memory and then looks towards Dan. He was looking at him with his eyes enlarged with astonishment; even though his mouth is slightly open, Jaekyung thinks it is tender.
“I knew she had wanted to hit me for a long time, so I didn't express my pain at the blow. And my father was always a fool, always submissive to my mother and following her orders, so he didn't get into our fight or do anything to stop them. And it was okay; I was strong enough to defend myself on my own, and I could fight my mother with no problem."
“We fought that night like we had never fought before, yelled, and said hurtful things to each other that we never apologized for. We both knew things weren't going to be the same. I know my mother was devastated that her perfect son no longer existed, but the truth is, he never did. I never wanted to be what she wanted me to be, and to me, I was devastated that she didn't see me for what I truly was—an imperfect son who all he wanted was to be heard. But I guess God was more important than her own son, because she always listened to him.”
“She never saw me again after that night. She silently said goodbye to her only son. She said I was dead to her and that I was no longer her son. And I got her wish; as soon as I turned 18, I packed my bags and got the hell out of that town."
He swallows saliva and looks at Dan. The brown has his eyes moistened and no longer seems so happy to know his story. Jaekyung smiles softly at him and brings a hand to his cheek, caressing it and feeling the warmth in the palm of his hand. He doesn't want Dan to be sad about something he feels no pain from.
“I arrived in Seoul by train, and with no idea what to do or where to go, I only had a little cash. My mother took my monetary funds from me. She did her job well by erasing me from the family. I was left with nothing; I was walking around aimlessly with a suitcase until I went into a bar to drink. At the bar, alone with just a beer for company, I was watching the TV in the place, and just at that moment, there was a boxing match on. That's when I knew what I wanted to be and do in this city. When I saw that boxer win and take the glory, I knew I wanted it. That's when I stopped feeling sorry for myself and got to work. I started from scratch to be what I am now."
It feels quite liberating to tell his story; it's the first time he's opened up like this with people. He'sglad it was with Dan; only with him does he allow himself to be like this. His chest feels calm, and he is quiet. He sighs for air to fill his lungs. Dan keeps looking at him, captivated by everything he heard, and Jaekyung can only look at him as if he is talking to him about the weather.
“So that's it; I'm dead to my mother. I don't know if she repents; I don't know if she knows how wrong she was by disowning her own son. God wouldn't accept that, or maybe he would, because the sinner is me and not her. So I guess it’s okay to hate your son for being gay.”
They are silent after that; only the sound of the night and the quiet footsteps of people walking around them can be heard. Dan still holds Jaekyung's hand; his gaze is fixed on the hand he caresses. He is thinking about everything he heard; he tries to imagine the scenarios Jaekyung told him. He can't help but feel a little sad as he imagines a young Jaekyung being hurt by his own mother. It's painful to know that Jaekyung suffered, which makes him laugh softly; in the past, he wouldn't have thought something like that.
“I'm sorry you had to go through that,” he murmurs, his voice coming out cracked from the lump in his throat.
“Don't worry, I'm fine,” he says, and then hugs Dan by the shoulder and clings him to his body. He clings to his scent and his warmth. It's true what he said; once he left home and started from scratch, he buried his past and focused on who he is now. “I forgot my family too, so I haven't cared about them for many years.”
He pulls away from Dan so he can see it and gives him a calm and sweet look, so he understands he is speaking the truth. And Dan believes him, but he can't help being a sensitive person, and because of that, he feels down despite Jaekyung's words. And the athlete knows that his boyfriend is going to be like this for a while, but Jaekyung doesn't want things to change with this; he doesn't want Dan to look at him with pity for something that happened years ago.
So, he takes his face and fills it with kisses, comforting him and letting him know that it's okay. It is ironic that he is the one who has to comfort his boyfriend when it should be the other way around, but Jaekyung has already overcome his past; he has already forgotten what he felt back then, and his memories have been kept deep in his heart and mind. He only let them out this night at his boyfriend's request, but as soon as he finished talking, he buried them back where they belonged.
When he hears Dan's laughter, Jaekyung stops his kisses and looks at Dan; is now smiling. And Jaekyung looks at him lovingly while leaving caresses on his face.
“I don't want this to change the way you see me; I'm fine, okay? Don't feel pity for me; I don't want that, and after all I did, I don't deserve it."
Dan is silent for a second before nodding. He can see in Jaekyung's eyes that what he says is true; he has already let go of his past.
“It's okay,” he says, then smiles slightly.
Jaekyung hugs him and presses him against his body, letting their warmth become one. They both hold each other, and in that embrace, they remind each other that they are no longer alone, that they have each other, that they are both each other's family, and that is all that matters.
“Alright, let's go.” Jaekyung leaves a kiss on Dan's neck, then pulls away, stands up, and holds out his hand for Dan to take. “I promised Kenji I would buy him something; I don't want to come home empty-handed.”
Dan laughs, and soon his sad expression has vanished. He takes Jaekyung's hand, and they start walking. Their shoulders bump, and soon they are embracing as they walk. The cold has become more unbearable as the hours have passed.
“Hey, I know I had promised you that I would show you pictures of me when I was little, but I didn't bring any of that with me when I left home, sorry.”
“It's okay; I can imagine them,” Dan says, then smiles at Jaekyung. He had forgotten about that, and now it's the least of his concerns.
“Well, if you want some details, I was pretty skinny when I was younger—no muscles, just a living skeleton.”
Dan lets out a laugh, his eyes close, and his lungs fill with air. The warmth of happiness enters his body, and he swallows saliva at the many emotions building up in his chest. That image is what Jaekyung sees—a smiling Dan. That's how they end the night, walking through the streets of Seoul, wrapped in each other's arms, protecting themselves from the cold and everything around them.
